To understand the Yinz-O-Meter (pronounced yins-ah-mit-er), one must first understand a few things about Pittsburgh and it’s people. The Pittsburgh way of life and its unique culture have been nurtured by the common notion among people of the area that there still exists a challenging geographical isolation as a result of Pittsburgh’s mountainous location. Not one to accept change, people of Pittsburgh scoff at modern transportation, therefore many have never left Allegheny County. Over many years, this isolation has transformed Pittsburgh into a unique biosphere of sociological phenomena unlike any that exists in America. Many have tried to understand them however, none have succeeded. The only people that will ever truly understand the nuances of the Pittsburgh culture, are the people themselves…the ‘Yinzers’.
So, what the heck is ‘Yinz’ anyway?
‘Yinz’, also seen written as ‘You-ins’ or ‘Yuns’ and is still used today in Pittsburgh. As a result of the distinct denial that life exists outside of Allegheny County and the popular belief among Pittsburghers that it’s better if you procreate with others like you, a unique language has evolved in the Pittsburgh area. One of these phrases, ‘Yinz’ is used among the natives to denote a specific group of people, as in: “Hey, Yinz guys goin” dahn-tahn ‘n-dat?” Which loosely translates in popular English to: “Hello friends. Are you traveling to Downtown Pittsburgh?”
Okay, I get it. They say Yinz, but what is a Yinzer?
As Pittsburgh has grown, resistance to entry from foreigners or people not born in the ‘Burgh, has waned. This has happened despite many civic efforts to thwart immigration, which has even included the complete dismantling of commercial enterprise in the Downtown area. Therefore, much to the chagrin of the Yinzers, there are now many people who live here who were not born here. In fact, there has been a strong underground interbreeding. The Pittsburgh subculture, complete with their own language that is dubbed “Pittsburghese”, has now come to light to many outsiders. The language has now been studied and those who speak it have been termed ‘Yinzers’. As a rusult of this growing understanding of the culture, it is not the language alone that separates the natives from popular American culture.
What do you mean, there is more than the language difference?
Absolutely. The word “Yinzer” is now used to describe many of the cultural differences that have come to light. For example, a Yinzer always wears a Steeler T-shirt and hat on backwards, even to the symphony. A Yinzer will still wear acid wash jeans pegging them and white hi-tops with the tongue of the shoes sticking out, even though that look went out in 1982. Yinzer diet food commonly includes a 6500 calorie salad with french fries. A Yinzer will think the Steelers are going to the Super Bowl after every win of even the slimmest margin. A Yinzer predictably over estimates every travel distance, and therefore refuse to leave Allegheny County. They commonly think Cleveland is 5 hours away. The Yinzer that says Cleveland sucks, has never been there.
Fine, then what does the Yinzometer actually measure?
Fluctuation in feelings about the Steelers and the tendency of fans to jump on and off of the bandwagon at any time provide backbone of the level of ‘Yinzerness’ the city tends express. The Yinzometer attempts to measures this. With the help of a complex rating system using many variables, the level of Yinzerness can now be accurately estimated. Using data generated from objective findings such as ‘Steeler Nation’ T-shirts spotted around town; black and gold hats on backwards; casual use of the word ‘Yins’ or references to the ‘Stillers’ around the office; the annoying dropping of prepositions (“car needs cleaned”); rhetoric about the ‘Steel Curtain’ and the ‘Immaculate Reception’; rogue chairs saving parking spaces; ‘Pittsburgh lefts’ (when they let one car turn in front of you at a traffic light before proceeding straight); pierogie sales; bad Steeler logo tattoos; failure to turn right on red legally; Iron City sales; increasing frequency of ‘Light Up Nights’ and fireworks for no apparent reason.
These and other variables comprise the Yinzometer. From 0-100% possible, there is wide fluctuation. Median Yinzer values for football season are 75% and after football season it may hover around 40-50%. Bank on levels greater than 85% if the Steelers make the playoffs. As the level rises, transplanted Clevelanders and other non-Pittsburgh born people living here begin to question why they haven’t left.
Yinzometer Implications for Clevelander or Other Non-Native Living Here:
0-20% Quite tolerable. Levels rarely achieved. Falsely believe and even quote that “Most Livable City” crap to friends. Make regrettable favorable comparisons to Cleveland or other real cities.
20-40% Tolerable, but less so then before. Visit to Chicago quickly reminds you that you live in Pittsburgh.
40-60% Begin to look at want ads. Getting resume in order. Begin to correct strangers’ grammar in an impossible crusade to educate the entire city.
60-80% Making calls, logging onto Monster.com daily. Willing to take a pay cut.
80-90% Leaving every weekend on job hunt. House now up for sale. No longer believe that the cost of living in ‘Burgh justifies tolerating the stupidity.
90-95% Psychiatric consultation is required. Violent outbursts toward people offering you a ‘jitney’ at Giant Eagle.
95-100% Rare survival rate for non-native. Double antidepressants and take your chances. Stay at parents house until football season blows over. Pray for a Steeler loss.
